Whippersnapper Satire

My efforts to pull together a new, low-key humor-and-commentary publication here in North Adams (more on The Perp another time) takes me back to 1968, when Sixties "Flower Power" began extending its mischievous tendrils onto the largely sedate campus of my college alma mater down in Alabama, Birmingham-Southern College.

Under the editorship of an enterprising editor named Eugene Breckenridge, our student newspaper, the Hilltop News, had begun breaking BSC tradition by practicing more serious journalism than the fraternity/sorority-oriented student body was accustomed to. But for my quasi-bohemian crowd something a little more edgy was called for to make campus discourse even less predictable.

Thus was born Granny Takes a Trip, a cheapo, mildly "underground" memeographed rag that was the brainchild of my friend Julie Brumlik, who has since distinguished herself in fields as diverse as stylish typesetting, feminist publishing, arial permorming and (most recently) emu oil entreprenurialism. Whimsically named for some mod London boutique an Anglophile among us had reportedly spotted while overseas, Granny was plopped weekly onto BSC’s Snack Bar counters next to its only source of funding: coffee cans bearing the label: "Keep Granny Green."

In a fit of nostalgia I dug some copies of Granny out of my files today to remind myself of what was on our minds back then. What quickly caught my eye was a response of mine to the Hilltop News‘s front-page coverage of rising marijuana-use among ‘Southern students.

It was by no means the hysteria-tinged journalism one might expect at a Bible-belt college; indeed, the same issue included an editorial calling for the decriminalization of pot-smoking. (We’re still working on that one, Gene!) But still, I couldn’t resist answering the Hilltop News article with the following expose that emblazoned the front page of Granny‘s February 29 edition.

A REPORT ON DOG KICKING AT ‘SOUTHERN
by Howard Cruse

"Arf arf!"

"Yerp!"

"Bow wow! Grrr!"

These reactions summararize the results of a recent informal poll by Granny investigating the incidence of underground dog-kicking on the Birmingham-Southern campus.

It is estimated that 25% of the students at BSC have kicked or are planning to kick a dog in the near future, though only 18% have actually admitted or have been seen in the process of kicking and only 13% of the campus dogs have been kicked on an ascertainable 3% of their available anatomy.

Most students make a point of kicking dogs off-campus. although. a significant minority have been seen lurking on the boundaries kicking them back on again.

All students agree that dogs are readily available if you just know the drummer at the Smokey Bar & Grill. Or, if you prefer, you can follow the ‘Southern students’ example and order a fresh puppy from Miles Kimbell of Oshkosh. If that doesn’t work, you can follow other ‘Southern students’ examples and trot back down to the Smokey Bar & Grill and kick drunks. "Man, like the fuzz can be a real hang-up," comments a jivey practioner, irritated at the stubborn dog hairs lodged in his cuffs. But all save a vocal canine minority agree that the lack of’ a hangover make it preferable to drinking and more edifying than drowning cats or the communal roachsquashes that were the rage at this time last year.

Granny feels that dog-kicking contributes to a disunified and fragmented campus — particularly when the practice escalates to actual dismemberment. Granny plans to publish a series of articles on other illegal activities on campus such as miscegenation among Dr. Bailey’s lukemic mice, child molestation, euthenasia, banana highs in the snack-bar, plus a shocking, first-person report on the incidence of statutory rape in the sculpture lab. In the meantime, Granny appreciates the invaluable help given her by her many informants among the dog-kicking set. And now. . .

YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST!

A postscript from Lulu:

"I do not consider this example of so-called "satire" to be ONE BIT FUNNY!!!"

About Howard

I'm a cartoonist and writer, best known for my graphic novel, Stuck Rubber Baby, and my comic strip from the 1980s, Wendel.
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0 Responses to Whippersnapper Satire

  1. Manga says:

    […]Thanks for sharing your work with us! Your theme is just awesome![…]

  2. Howard Cruse says:

    Nor will they knbow what I’M talking about, if y’knbow what I mean.

  3. Howard Cruse says:

    Not quite as dangerous as arial peraftermooming, smart guy!

    But I’ve corrected the typo now, Grady, so no one will knbow what you’re talking about! Hee hee!

  4. grady says:

    Congrats on your big Mac! I know you must be in hog heaven. However, I do have a question, old buddy. What in the hell is “arial permorming”? It sound terribly dangerous.
    YKW