Archive for the ‘Life & Art’ Category

Ready To Party!

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
OK, Martha Thomases, you’ve gotten me in the mood for next Saturday with this installment of Munden’s Bar that you’ve written for ComicMix this week!
The only question is: Will the atmosphere at the Norman Rockwell Museum’s May 3 Comic Art Festival this weekend be deliciously raucous, like the sword-brandishing melee depicted in Martha’s strip (see above) as illustrated by Joanna Estep? Or will the scene at NRM by one of high-spirited but manageable collegiality like the opening party so many comics-lovers enjoyed when the museum’s enthusiastically received Lit Graphic: The World of the Graphic Novel exhibit opened last November?

Below: The roving camera of Jeremy Clowe, Communications Assistant at the museum, snaps a moment of opening-reception collegiality featuring ComicMix’s Editor-in-chief Mike Gold, Mark Wheatley, Marc Hempel, me, and exhibit curator Martin Mahoney.

I also learned today that several video clips of me, taped by Jeremy last fall at the Lit Graphic press reception as I fielded reporters’ questions about Stuck Rubber Baby, have recently been posted on YouTube as part of the Rockwell Museum’s publicity push for this Saturday’s festival. (Click here or on the image at right to see me in all of my glorious loquacity.
Yes, now you folks who have never met me can at last get an answer to that question that’s been nagging at you for years: Just how much of a southern drawl does Howard Cruse have?

Anyway, the museum has sent me their anticipated lineup of activities for next Saturday, so I’ll pass them on here for the benefit of any of you who are likely to be in or near Stockbridge on the 3rd thinking, "Gee, a comic arts festival would really hit the spot right around now."

Comic Arts Festival
at the Norman Rockwell Museum
Saturday, May 3 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

An exciting day of workshops, lectures, book signings, and conversation with noted comic artists and historians in celebration of LitGraphic: The World of the Graphic Novel. Got mini-comics to swap? Here’s a good place to exchange ‘em.

Refreshments will be served, and lunches will be available for purchase.

10:00AM Welcome to the Norman Rockwell Museum
Curator of Education, Tom Daly, and LitGraphic Curator, Martin Mahoney

 10:30AM Graphic Novels: An Illustrated History
A lively visual history by Robin Brenner, librarian and Eisner Award Juror

 11:30AM Drawing in the Galleries
An On-Site Demonstration with graphic novelist, Lauren Weinstein, whose original illustrations for Girl Stories are on view.

 11:30AM-4:00PM Wet Ink!
Create and Post Your Own Comic Art:
A drop in, hands-on workshop with Jack Purcell, comic book artist and educator

12:00PM Wordless Books: The Original Graphic Novels
Author and library director David Berona will offer an illustrated look at his new book

1:00PM Creating Comics:
A Conversation with Marc Hempel and Mark Wheatley
The two comic creators, whose art for Breathtaker is on view, will discuss their work with comic art collector and historian Warren Bernard.

2:00PM Howard Cruse’s Comics Vault
Artist Howard Cruse will offer personal commentary on his comic art, which currently is on view            

3:00PM Collecting Comics
Personal viewpoints on collecting by Scott Eder, founder of the Scott Eder Gallery and Comic Book Art Dot Com

4:00PM Book Signing
with David Berona, Robin Brenner, Howard Cruse, Marc Hempel, R. Sikoryak, Mark Wheatley, and Lauren Weinstein

4:30PM-5:30PM Carousel and Wet Ink Reception
A series of comic slide shows by artists, with illustrator and cartoonist, R. Sikoryak, and graphic novelist Lauren Weinstein. Join us for refreshments!

Plus the All-Day Mini Comic Exchange
Share your art with fellow artists and comics aficionados. Tables will be available for your use.

Festival admission is free with regular Museum admission. Children 18 and under are free. Please be advised that graphic novels sometimes address adult subject matter. Parental discretion is advised.

For more information call 413-298-4100 ext 260

Tunes and ‘Toons at Penn State

Thursday, April 24th, 2008
Above: Me holding forth this Monday in Penn State’s Foster Auditorium.

I was briefly a grad student at Penn State University forty years ago. My stay at PSU in the fall of 1968 was funded by a Shubert Playwriting Fellowship, and a couple of my short plays (one of which can be found on this very web site) even made it onstage as part of the theatre department’s Five O’clock Theatre student workshop series.

Personal issues quickly derailed my attempt to be a Very Good Fellow that fall, unfortunately, and I fled to New York over the Christmas holidays before making much of a dent in my Shubert money.

Despite the inauspiciousness of my grad school career, though, I had a mostly good time at Penn State during my brief stay, the odd depression and panic attack aside. I forged several enduring friendships, helped paint the set for a main stage production of O’Neill’s Ah Wilderness, and even made good grades somehow in the courses I took.

So despite the fact that so much time has passed since then that not a single inch of the campus I encountered looked remotely familiar, I nevertheless felt a definite twinge of nostalgia when I returned to PSU last weekend at the invitation of Eileen Akin, coordinator of PSU Special Collections Library’s Audio-Visual Collections and Fred Waring archives, who asked me to give a talk as part of the Graphic Novel Speakers Series she spearheads.

Below: Eileen and I commune with cartooning greats in the Waring collection’s Cartoon Room

Music fans whose tastes include works that pre-date Buddy Holly will hear the name Fred Waring and think of the smooth orchestral and choral sounds that emanated from America’s radios, televisions, phonographs, and concert stages thanks to Waring’s legendary conducting skills and the voices of his touring choral colleagues, the Pennsylvanians. What I had forgotten about until I walked into Eileen’s office was Waring’s similarly legendary devotion to the cartoon art form and its practitioners.

An honorary member of the National Cartoonists Society and the host of annual NCS golfing retreats at his Shawnee-on-the-Delaware home base, Waring was the regular recipient of thank-you art from his legion of grateful ‘tooner friends.

Hence the "Cartoon Room" at Penn State, because of which the PSU library’s Waring archive is as notable for its walls full of framed cartoon originals that almost nobody has ever seen as for its long shelves of Waring choral arrangements and displays of fascinating memorabilia from the decades during which Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians graced music-lovers with their unforgettable performances and broadcasts.

Below: Just one of the reasons why Eileen Akin’s lair at PSU is a feast for any cartoon-lover’s eyes.

On The Campaign Trail

Thursday, April 10th, 2008
Eddie left yesterday to spend two weeks as a volunteer in Barack Obama’s field operation in Hazleton, Pennsylvania. This gives me a perfect opportunity to show off two cool portraits of Obama created this year by two friends of mine.

The painting directly below is by Zina Saunders, who has a whole array of her similarly deft portraits currently displayed on her web site….

Art above ©2008 by Zina Saunders

…and the line drawing at right is by North Adams artist Sarah McNair, whose many accomplishments include contributing to the North County Perp.

Art at right ©2008 by Sarah McNair

Eddie and I are hoping that none of the ardent Clinton-supporters among our friends will get bent out of shape by our choice of candidates. Actually, we had a natural affinity for Dennis Kucinich, favored John Edwards in the Massachusetts primary, and wish both Hillary and Barack would pay more attention to some of the ideas at the core of their discontinued campaigns. But Edwards and Kucinich have withdrawn now and life goes on. Since one has to make choices in a democracy, we personally give Obama the edge right now when choosing between two contenders who each comes with drawbacks and strengths.

You can bet that we’ll be carrying the Hillary banner proudly in the general election, though, if she ends up copping the nomination. She’s not short on confidence-inspiring qualities (particularly when she lets her better angels carry the day). And we urge present-day Hillary folks to similarly work their butts off to elect Barack if his campaign for the nomination carries the day. Let’s don’t let the White House remain in the hands of the party that’s spent eight long years inflicting more damage on the U.S. than would have seemed humanly possible — even given the track records left by Reagan and Bush the dad.

Between Clinton and Obama, we think Omama offers more than his opponent does of what America needs in a leader today. So Eddie has packed his bags and headed to the Pennsylvania hills to act on his beliefs.

He does that kind of thing. It’s one of the attributes that made me fall for him 29 years ago.

Our Furniture: Home Again at Last

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008
Above: Lulu bestows ardent face licks on ace contractor Roger "Butch" Molloy, one of the new best friends who’ve spent the last couple of months disassembling, then reassembling in different locations, the rooms of our humble abode. That’s plumber Mike Toniatti sitting and awaiting his turn on our sofa, which was returned to us from warehouse exile this weekend.

The renovation of the rest of our house almost finished now, with Evelyn’s room having been completed well ahead of the others so that she could return from Williamstown Commons to a bedroom built just for her.

We wish she could have enjoyed the room longer, but Eddie’s mom clearly loved occupying her bright new private quarters during the final few weeks of her life. She didn’t even complain about all the hammering and sawing that continued to go on just outside her bedroom door. (There’s something to be said for forswearing the use of hearing aids at critical points of one’s post-hospital recuperation.)

My attention now has largely turned, now that I’m finished cover art that I’ve been sweating out through thick and thin for the May issue of Commonwealth Club magazine (the member publication of the venerable public forum organization, Commonwealth Club of California), to finishing up the two talks I’m scheduled to give unnervingly soon—the first being at Penn State University (April 22) and the second being at the Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge (May 3), in whose Lit Graphic show some artwork from Stuck Rubber Baby (along with artwork by a lot of other graphic novelists) is still hanging. (See my earlier blog entry about that.)

If you’re going to be in either neighborhood on those days, do drop by. It’s so much more fun giving talks when someone’s in the audience!

Return to White River Junction

Saturday, March 1st, 2008
Above: A snapshot, taken by cartoonist and CCS Programming Assistant Robyn Chapman, documenting my recent excursion to deepest Vermont with slideshow images, comic art pages, and obscure cartoon artifacts from my misspent youth in tow.

On Valentine’s Day I made a return visit to White River Junction, VT, at the invitation of that city’s new creative crown jewel, the Center for Cartoon Studies.

CCS, which was conceived, founded, and is now overseen by graphic novelist James Sturm, offers a two-year course of study for aspiring comics creators ready to settle in Vermont and get serious about honing their craft under the tutelage of cartooning professionals like Jason Lutes, James Kochalka, Stephen R. Bissette, and others.

This was my second time to swap thoughts about comics with a batch of Steve Bissette’s students. Steve and I go back a ways, of course, having swapped war stories about the comics industry in various settings over the decades. Like hosts of comics fans, I had admired his talents from afar well before we found ourselves conversing face-to-face at assorted events where cartoonists congregate. Steve helped raise my profile beyond underground and gay circles by interviewing me, along with his co-author Stanley Wiater, for their 1992 book Comic Book Rebels, and when Eddie and I first moved to the Berkshires Steve was quick to invite me up to White River Junction to speak to the students in the CCS class he was teaching at that time. I enjoyed myself back then and had a similarly entertaining time this year.

Steve amazes me. In his alternate identity as a blogger, he puts me totally to shame. Where does he get the energy? Where does he find the time? It’s been two weeks since I visited CCS and only now am I managing to get my act together to compose a few paragraphs marking my trip. It’s a good thing it’s not up to me to funnel "breaking news" to CNN!

The title of Steve’s blog, Myrant, is a droll bit of wordplay referencing his presently interrupted but hopefully not permanently extinct 1990s comic series Tyrant. Tyrant’s its cast of dinosaurs was rendered with the same rich textures (as applied to big, scary beings that you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark bog) that had made me sit up and take notice when I first happened upon the Moore/Bissette/Totleben version of Swamp Thing during the ’80s!
Tyrant art ©1995 by Stephen R. Bissette

I learned recently that Steve and I both spent time during the 1980s collaborating with one "Jovial Bob Stine," the man who edited and largely wrote Scholastic’s Bananas magazine before mutating into R. L. Stine, the fabulously (and deservedly) successful author of the Goosebumps juvenile horror novels.

Were my life and my comics archives not in a bit of disarray right now I would go rummaging through my files to remind myself what Steve and Bob were concocting for Bananas while, thanks to Stine and myself, a succession of unfortunate patients were being abused by a lunatic physician named Doctor Duck on nearby pages.
Doctor Duck muses on the miracles of pharmacology. Or is it gumdrops?

Memory Lane

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
"[The "Children of the Rainbow" curriculum] would have teachers telling their first graders that gay/lesbian couples are ‘family’ just like any other family unit. We will not accept two people of the same sex engaged in deviant sex prectices as ‘family’."
Mary A. Cummins
President
Community School Board 24
New York City
August 28, 1992
Sixteen years ago gay New Yorkers were treated to a months-long circus of public homophobia whose ringmaster, firebrand Mary Cummins of Community School Board 24 in Queens, went to the barricades to stop a proposed new school curriculum from letting schoolchildren know that gay people existed, and indeed were the parents of some of their schoolmates.

The fact that the curriculum was simply conveying demonstrable facts about the demonstrably diverse makeup of New York’s community life carried no weight with this determined lady, who ultimately succeeded in have the curriculum in question quashed.

Last week I came across my sketched version of "The Educator,"my comic strip response to this controversy. It never found a home and hence was never re-drawn in finished form, but I still kind of like it.

Postscript for young readers puzzled by the concluding panel above:

First graders used to learn to read by reading books starring two bland suburban kids named Dick and Jane.

There were presumably no homosexuals living on Dick and Jane’s block, although Dr. Seuss’s Cat in the Hat could occasionally be spotted lurking near their playground, awaiting his moment.

When Mr. Bug Went To Town

Saturday, January 19th, 2008
Remember when civilization was set to end overnight a few years ago because of the Y2K bug? Even those of us who were skeptical that the worst-case scenarios being bandied about in the months leading up to December 31, 1999, were likely to actually transpire couldn’t help but feel slightly unsettled as the actual turn of the century approached.

Sure, those of us with Mac computers could feel smug in the knowledge that the bug in question would only begin making Microsoft’s PCs go haywire at the stroke of midnight, not our superiorly crafted Apple devices.

Unfortunately, the real world runs mostly on PCs, not Macs, and if the entire set of electric grids that powered Planet Earth were going to go successively ka-flooey time zone by time zone, the refrigerator spoilage of Mac-owners would be just as distasteful as it would for PC-owners.

Lots of computer-patches were being downloaded and installed furiously as the doomsday date approached, but even though the professional geeks who were programming such patches theoretically knew what they were doing, who could be sure that they would get every single thing corrected that needed correcting? After all, if they were so smart, howcum they let the damned bug get into all those computer hard drives in the first place?

So most of us watched television warily on the 31st as midnight began creeping across the world’s land masses. Of course, all eyes (or rather, hungry banks of television cameras) are on the International Dateline every New Year’s Eve, but as the Year 2000 approached the coverage had a different vibe. Normally the planet’s media watch eagerly to the skies over New Zealand brighten dramatically from the first of many displays of crowd-pleasing fireworks that would soon be exploding over the world’s celebrating cities. But in 2000 ther media waiting to see if New Zealand’s lights would all go out and airplanes would begin falling willy-nilly out of those aforementioned skies.

Had such nightmarish developments actually begun unfolding in New Zealand as some had predicted, then those of us located west of there would have various numbers of hours available to contemplate the similar nightmares likely to befall our own time zones as the Sun advanced our way.

It turned out that as clocks struck midnight in one zone after another, catastrophes proved pallid. Some ATMs malfunctioned here and there and other modest inconveniences arose during the next few days, but all in all the Y2K bug proved to be as non-formidable as had the Comet Kahoutek, which also caused widespread edginess as it approached our planet in 1974 and which also failed to live up to its advance billing as a disaster delivery system.

Why is the Y2K Bug on my mind today? Because I happened to come across two rough sketches this week (see above and below) while looking for an unrelated item in my files. These two variations on a theme were commissioned in 1999 by a friend of mine who thought that — what with the end of civilization being imminent — there might be money to be gleaned from making comical Y2K tee-shirts available to consumers.

My friend was naive about the amount of lead-time required for such a merchandizing venture to be profitable, unfortunately. Besides the normal need to lay careful marketing groundwork well in advance of introducing a topical product, it goes without saying that tee-shirts linked to the end of civlization are best sold before civilization actually begins ending, since people senses of humor tend to do downhill fast once their future prospects have been obliterated.

Anyway, neither my friend’s tee-shirts nor finished versions of my two sketches ever materialized. But since the sketches have spent several years in a file drawer waiting to be re-discovered already, why shouldn’t I share them with you today?

Transformers: Home Edition

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
Above: "Cereal Lady" and Bazooka Joe,
two of this month’s newsletter offerings

I managed to put together Cruse Art Newsletter on time this week. Here’s me patting myself on the back for that.

Meanwhile Eddie and I are bracing ourselves for chaos as architectural plans are finalized for a home renovation project that’s going to turn our home life upside-down very soon.

See the room in the two photos below? That somewhat disorderly and yet homey living room containing a pleasant little old lady (that would be Evelyn, Eddie’s mom) and a serenely distracted dog (that would be Lulu the dalmatian) in full relaxation mode? Memorize what you see, because very soon this room in its present configuration will be history. Gone! Replaced!

Walls throughout our house will be ripped down; our entire configuration of rooms will be rearranged. Life in the Cruse-Sedarbaum dwelling will never be the same.

Instead, if all goes well, our home as reconstructed will be better suited for the 94-year-old woman who has recently become Eddie’s and my roommate. Our house as presently put together has been fine for Eddie and me during the three-and-a-half years we’ve lived in it, but what is safe and comfortable for us isn’t automatically so for Evelyn.

Eddie and I can get along quite easily without a bathroom that has an accessible shower, one that’s not a long walk through three dark rooms from where we sleep, and one that doesn’t include an illogical step downward at its entryway that is tailor-made to throw elderly folks with unsteady balance into a potentially bone-fracturing spill.

No, Evelyn’s needs are special, and we believe that the reconstituted house that we’ll theoretically end up with will make better sense for all concerned. We’re looking forward to living in it.

We are not looking forward to the weeks of disarray, dislocation, and debris-filled construction-work hell we’ll have to go through to get to it.

But hey! What’s life without a soupçon of gut-wrenching dread in it to keep us on our toes?

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The Swimmer Lady

Saturday, January 12th, 2008

Last week I wrote about my recording session for an adaptation that may or may not ever happen of The Swimmer With a Rope In His Teeth. Now I want to belatedly take note of the passing last April of the woman from whose imagination the book’s title character sprang.

I’m embarrassed to acknowledge that I didn’t post anything about Jeanne Shaffer’s death at the time I learned about it. I’m terrible at composing quickie obits when friends depart, and in the case of Doc Shaffer, her achievements merit better-rounded tributes that I can provide by folks who knew her better than I ever did.

Jeanne and I may have produced a book together, but our actual face-to-face visits were limited to maybe half-a-dozen. The visits we did have were sprinkled across a span of decades, the first of them occurring while I was an undergraduate drama-speech major at Birmingham-Southern College forty years ago.

1967, specifically. Jeanne, a composer and educator whose professional home base was at Huntington College in nearby Montgomery, envisioned an opera based on an allegory she had dreamed up about a swimmer who undertakes the rescue of an entire population of miserable people. Itching to start coming up with music for it, Jeanne was scouting for a librettist she could team up with.

Someone who knew that I was an aspiring playwright told her I might be interested in having a go at it. Ignoring the fact that I was a 23-year-old greenhorn, she chased me down and pitched the project.

I loved Jeanne’s story and spent a few months trying to nail down a proper approach. But although she was unfailingly encouraging throughout that period, I soon realized that I was in over my head. Just because I had written a few student plays and had listened to every musical comedy cast album in the Birmingham Public Library record collection didn’t automatically confer mastery of the opera libretto form. Chastened by my clear inadequacy, I begged off, and Jeanne graciously freed me from my commitment.

That could have been the end of it, but it wasn’t. Fifteen years later I popped back into Jeanne Shaffer’s life full of excitement about an entirely different way to tell her story. Our heroic swimmer, I told her, could be the protagonist not of an opera but of a comic book story. A story told with silhouettes.

(Why silhouettes? Maybe I’ll get into that another time; this blog entry is about Jeanne Shaffer.)

Now some practitioners of the "fine arts" (and Jeanne’s many musical compositions certainly placed her within those circles) might have looked down their noses at the comics form had they been approached with such an impertinent suggestion. But Jeanne had an adventurous streak and was unburdened by artistic snobbery. She was instantly intrigued by the radical recasting of her idea that I was proposing. Soon she was a certified enthusiast, and her enthusiasm persisted through the more than twenty additional years it took me to complete my adaptation, which mutated early on from a comic book story into a stand-alone book.

If Jeanne had been a more controlling storyteller she might have kept me on a tighter leash as I added my own touches to her fable and revved up its level of satire. But she rolled with the punches, paying me the compliment of trusting me to pretty much have my way with her tale.

Our only creative disagreement during Swimmer’s germination was resolved almost as soon as it appeared. Between the time of her story’s first telling in 1967 and my re-entry into her life in the mid-’80s, Jeanne’s natural generosity of spirit had led her to attach a slightly more hopeful conclusion to her story. I urged her to reconsider. I wanted to confront readers uncompromisingly with her tale’s darker implications and make them deal with it. Our title character may have been propelled by merciful impulses, I acknowledged, but the book itself needed to be merciless.

Mercilessness doesn’t come easily to gracious southern women, but Jeanne saw my point and let me restore her fable’s original ending.

You’d think that our decades-long marathon of creative cooperation and mutual appreciation would have left me more familiar with all aspects of Jeanne Shaffer’s life and personality than it did. Fact is: the ins and outs of Swimmer dominated most of our conversations, whether in person or on the phone. Anything else I’ve learned about her very interesting life history has been absorbed in chance fragments and on the fly.

I did learn that she was a former child actress in the movies. How cool is that? (As "Jeanne Ellis" she played Jeanette MacDonald’s childhood self in Girl of the Golden West.) She toured for five years with Paul Whiteman’s Orchestra beginning when she was eleven — an unusual entry to find in the résumé of a cultured Montgomery Episcopalian, I would say — and I learned just now from her entry in the online listing Classical Composers that she sang with Grace Moore on the Lux Radio Theater. (Hey, my brother and I used to lie awake at night listening to the Lux Radio Theater in Springville during the ’50s. I gather we were twenty years too late to catch one of Jeanne’s performances, unfortunately.)

Jeanne enjoyed a 35-year career as an educator and for thirteen years headed the Department of Visual and Performing Arts at Huntington. And long after her Lux days she became a radio personality again via the Southeastern Public Radio Network, hosting a weekly program on women’s music called Eine Kleine Frauenmusik.

Years ago I asked Jeanne if recordings of her music existed and she directed me to a CD of organ performances by Frances Norbert called Music She Wrote: Organ compositions by Women , which includes selections composed by Jeanne along with the work of others (most of it downloadable from the link above). I’m listening to her contributions to that CD as I write this.

The liner notes of the Norbert CD reveal that Jeanne wrote three musicals in collaboration with her distinguished husband Col. Robert S. Barmettelor. I wish I had known about that when the two of them invited me to dinner in 2002 after driving from Montgomery to hear me read selections from Stuck Rubber Baby and Wendel All Together at a Unitarian Church in Birmingham. I would have prodded them for gossip. I love hearing backstage theatre stories!

I gather that late in her career Jeanne must have played an important cheerleading role for female composers through her web site WomensMusic.com — a site that Google apparently thinks is still alive but that I’ve had no luck accessing this week, which makes me think it did not survive its founder. (If you have better luck than I did, let me know.)

It doesn’t surprise me that teaching, mentoring, and helping other creative people was a strain that ran through the long, productive life that Jeanne led, since even though I personally experienced only a small sampling of her many facets, being giving was the tack she reflexively took with me. Who was I, anyway? An openly gay cartoonist who had gained his chops in underground comix whom she had previously experienced only as a green college-age playwriting wannabe who couldn’t get his act together, materializing out of nowhere after a decade-and-a-half of non-contact to announce that Hey, you oughta be in comics!

"OK," she said. "Put me in comics."

She continued her pattern of givingness by allowing me a huge degree of creative latitude as I expanded and reshaped her story into something very different in its details from the one she first imagined, but one that still had the same concerns about human folly that she had originally invested it with. At least I hope it did. Jeanne never hinted that it didn’t.

The Swimmer lady is gone now, and I’ll never get a chance to ask her what Jeanette MacDonald was really like. But we came away from our three decades of glancing interactions with a book to show for it that has both of our names on the cover.

How cool is that?!

Help For The Wakeful

Monday, December 24th, 2007
Worried that you’ll have trouble sleeping tonight because you’re so excited about an anticipated visit from St. Nicholas? Worried that Santa will leave lumps of coal in your stocking as punishment because you’re not snoozing when he arrives the way good little boys and girls are supposed to be doing?

Or are you kept awake with anxiety because you’re not a Christian, don’t expect any midnight ministrations from jolly old elves in red suits or anybody else, and have the distinct feeling that none of the Republicans who are hoping to become your President really believe in their heart of hearts that non-Christians like you are thoroughgoing American citizens like they are?

Well, don’t let your sleep deprivation paralyze you. There’s still time to rush to one of those malls that are staying open late on Christmas Eve, where you’ll hopefully find at least one bookstore that’s selling Awake!, a brand new anthology of writings (plus a few comics and some photo spreads) that address the subject of insomnia.

This choice literary compendium is edited by Steven Lee Beeber and includes contributions by such luminaries like Joyce Carol Oates, Margaret Atwood, and, uh, me!!

Buying this book won’t solve your Santa dilemma, since you’ll be so engrossed in reading it that you’ll stay awake even later than you would have if you had simply lain in bed tonight fretting. And it certainly won’t make you feel any safer from the belligerent religiosity running rampant across the land.

But you may find yourself so delightfully distracted by this entertaining bundle of reading matter that you’ll barely hear the sounds of coal chunks dropping plop, plop, plop into the stockings (if indeed there be any) hanging from your mantelpiece (if there be such) in some distant, dark room of your dwelling.

And sometime between 1:00 and 6:00 on Christmas morning (if you buy this book today) you may find yourself reading "A Little Night Misery," my Headrack story from the third issue of Barefootz Funnies that was published in 1979 and has now been out of print for a quarter-century.